New Post!

This morning I woke up with an inexplicably strong craving for mashed potatoes and gravy. Something about the way the light was in my room, or the bed, or my dreams, made me think that I was in grandma’s spare bedroom on a Sunday morning. The blaring wedding music and the roosters chased away the feeling quite quickly, but it was strong this morning. I also had a flashback to the aisles of Indianola’s Wal-Mart while I strolled through the market this morning. At the moment, I’m sitting on my friend’s balcony looking at the dusty streets of the city, watching motos drive by. One’s carrying a ladder. Another driver just stop to pee across the street on a cement wall. He’s not the first one I’ve seen today. It’s remarkably temperate today; the night before last we had a thunderstorm that made the heat less sweltering than usual. In fact, I could be forgiven for thinking it felt like Iowa right now. I miss it quite a lot.

However, I also think that I would miss this country if I left. The stresses are so different, the pressures unusual. Personality wise, I feel quite able to let go and feel more like myself. I feel less pressure to know every aspect of my future, less pressure to work myself into the ground, less pressure to look a certain way. I find the relief of these pressure pleasant. There are different stresses, though; I haven’t shown my shoulders for some time, or been out past 10, or been able to go somewhere without being stared at. It’s something of a trade off. (There is another man peeing on the wall now.) I still like it here. We’ll see how I feel after April, because I’m not planning on leaving my province. I may even have a few things to write about, with my first big Khmer holiday that I’m actually going to participate in. Wish me luck! For now, I’ll just try to find something to fill the void of grandma’s food in my tummy...